Trying to be Better

I keep thinking I should blog more but when I sit down to the computer I blank on what to say. I feel I have to tailor everything that I say to fit a niche. Well I’m not niche-able, hell my ass has problems fitting in some seats so how is it going to fit in a niche?

The last few months have been a blur and not a running blur, I’m sad to say. It was my choice and I’m living with the results. Hubby developed an ankle/tendon issue and could not even walk or take stairs easily. Refusing to go see a doctor (MEN!), we got him a slip brace and it helped quite a bit. We’ve been doing walking on the weekends playing Ingress (his fault, now I’m hooked) to get his ankle back under him and see if running will be in the future. He’s put on weight and mine has crept up about 5-6lbs in the last 3 months. Even with eating mostly healthy, the lack of movement is my biggest issue.

Which brings me back to today. Hubby and I went out for a spot of Ingress after work at a local park and it’s prom season. My lovely April of bluebonnets and storms have given way for slim and trims in sexy gowns to take over my quiet spots. I won’t lie to you – every self-esteem issue came up because there was no way any hot blooded male would not notice those barely covered youthful curves. I don’t fault my Hubby for a quick look but I fault myself for the negative mindset and the internal anger I should not have directed at him due to my own insecurities. It wasn’t fair and I guilt tripped myself all the way home. I am my worst enemy.

Upon arrival, I went straight to the scale. I had only eaten a Schlotzsky’s sandwich and then my usual sandwich/salad at Paradise Bakery so It’s not like I had McDs and Burger King and CiCi’s buffet for my meals. I did okay, not lean and green but certainly not trash food.

323lbs at the end of the day. Well, fuck. Fine. I accept the number cause its the truth. But I don’t have the like accepting it.
Then I checked FB. My galpal (who got me into running) was back at Disney for her 3rd round of the Tinkerbell Half Marathon Challenge. Sigh. *hangs head in shame*

My ultimate running goal is a 2 parter: drop 175lbs (ideal weight of 150lbs) and run the Disney marathon weekend with her.

So what the Fuck have I been doing? Sitting on my ass bitching about work and no time to run. I get up at 4am to get ready for work, get home by 5pm and then making dinner an hour later and then in bed by 8-9pm. I suck at putting me first.

Well, that’s changing in less than a month, because we are moving. Yes, after 5 years of living in Plano we will be moving to the lovely Valley Ranch area in Irving.

I’ll be cutting my commute from 20 miles to 4 (45 min one way down to 6min). I won’t have to get up early to travel before traffic hits the highway, heck I won’t even have to touch a highway! Biking to work would actually be possible (going home might be more complicated).
BEST NEWS, I will be a stone’s throw from Sam Houston Trail Park, a 22-mile loop + 4 other parks linked via a greenbelt to total up to about 29 miles, I think (fuzzy number). I just have to cross one side street and I’m in the park!

Screen Shot 2017-05-13 at 9.04.36 PM

So now, there is no excuse. I’ll have a 5 minute (maybe 10 minute tops) drive home at 4pm. It would give me literally over 2 hours before Hubby would be home for dinner. I can run a 5k in an hour. This will be a training dream come true. I’m looking so forward to it that I’ve gotten in contact with the

This will be a training dream come true. I’m looking so forward to it, that I’ve gotten in contact with the IRC and considering some social runs which I’ve never done outside of races.

Another change I’m making to my running is only signing up for 3-4 races a year (the big ones I care about). This ties into my financial goal of paying off my credit cards/ student loans/ car loan debt before I’m 36. Six more years. (Happy side note – the car will be paid off in 10 months!)

After some sporadic runs in the last few months, I can tell you that I’m completely unfit to race. Walking, I’m great – 2 hours of energy with a smile… but to run again, like under a 20-minute pace? It’s going to require redoing my C25K training again.

So with a pending move on the horizon and the Purge of stuff well underway, I can only commit to doing my C25k training right now. I’m not going to beat myself up by setting the bar too high and becoming all consumed by running (hey I have other hobbies!). Plus this is Texas y’all. No one in their right minds begins hard training in summer! 9 weeks of 3x week, starting tomorrow would put me mid-July to complete it. I can hold steady that distance and work on pace through August/September. Then begin adding distance in October when we level out of the 90s…hopefully.

I don’t know how often I will write in here this time. I’m tentatively gauging for once a week as the only time I have to write is on the weekends and pre-moving will begin impacting that soon enough.

It’s 10pm so I’m gonna turn in so I will actually get up at 7am to get my run on. Have a Great Weekend and Happy Mother’s Day!

jiggle.110422-1140x570

Advertisements

Appetite and Anxiety

I meant to write earlier this week regarding running gear but life made an abrupt right and my anxiety got triggered at work and home.  Anyone who has suffered from it knows that it an uphill battle. An anxious mind is a strong, powerful mind, as anyone who has tried to rationalize themselves out of anxiety will tell you. An anxious mind can outrun, outpower and outwit rationality and logic any day of the week.

e96e8c44f24494f839a4e4786c9bae70

My trigger? Money and the fear of lack thereof. Even though we are fine and financially stable the idea of finances, bills, moving in June, and my personal conviction of paying off credit cards down to a manageable sum will stir up my racing “what if” thoughts every time. I was already dealing with some stress at work and Hubby texted me that he finished out taxes and this time we owed…to the tune of  $932.00 (he had been laid off and we survived on severance from Thanksgiving 2015 -February 2016). He was not happy, promptly forgot my trigger and told me at work.

Queue with the racing thoughts in 3,2,1…

I start thinking of bills; the pending move; how expensive apartments are; bills; Hubby not on permanent yet at his company…around and around the thoughts rush. My hands start shaking. I get a lump in my throat. Tears prick my eyes and all the while I know I’m having an anxiety attack and that logically I have nothing to be concerned about. Then I get super annoyed at myself while trying to steady my breathing and stop the racing thoughts. The symptoms subside for a while but then any stressor can key up the racing thoughts again.

The biggest tips I’ve found that help:

1. Distract yourself. I keep a positive quote book on my desk so I pick a page and read it.

2. At home have a signal so that your family knows you are either in the middle of an attack or riding the end of one. I have stuffed german shepherd that I latch onto. Hubby knows what that means.

3. Be AWARE:
A: Accept the anxiety. Don’t try to fight it.
W: Watch the anxiety. Imagine it is outside of you and you are just observing it.
A: ‘Act normally’. Carry on as if nothing is happening. Panic will soon ‘get bored’.
R: Repeat the above steps until you start to relax again.
E: Expect the best – it will pass quicker and quicker the more times you do this.


This was a rough week for the emotional roller coaster and the scale also reflects it. We cut spending on groceries this week due to the timing of our paychecks and rent so 2 days I ate pizza at work (the 1st and 3rd). What does surprise me… and makes me think I need to up my caloric intake…is that the weigh-ins on the next day I dropped more than a pound. Also when we ate at Carrabba’s on the 30th for our anniversary (the full spread of appetizer, salad, main, dessert) I only gained .6 the next day and soon dropped that as well.

4th:319.6
3rd: 321.2 (pizza)
2nd: 320.8
1st: 322.0 (pizza)
31st: 322.8
30th: 322.2 (annyv. dinner)

So I think we are going to change up our dinner habits this week. Instead of going the uber healthy route I’m looking to make a few the below recipes that are a little bit heavier but wholesome.

I found all of these at Budget Meals on Facebook. I highly suggest if you use this social media platform to like them and enjoy the daily suggestions. If not, I’m sure you can get emails.

Crockpot Mac and Cheese
Skillet Shepherd Pie
CopyCat Panera Chicken and Wild Rice Soup
Biscuit and Gravy Casserole 
Slow Cooker Taco Pasta
Old Fashion Goulash
Broccoli Rice and Cheese Casserole

My grocery list is ready, we’ll try the Broccoli Rice and Cheese first but I’m going to add grilled chicken tenders and the onion soup mix suggestion. I’ll take some pictures and let ya’ll know how it turns out!

Not just sore muscles

Well, my back is still in recovery from the race, much to my annoyance. I’m rearranging my schedule to sit on lacrosse balls and my PVC pipe “foam roller” instead of hitting the gym today. My upper glutes are the worse – if I move to tuck my tailbone, I feel a deep ache pull on my low back.  I was in more pain during that race than I want to admit and today I have an empty water bottle wedged between my lower back and the chair trying to desperately get the tightness to relax.

I use to be really good about getting regular massages with most of the VIP membership going towards 2-hour deep tissue abuse to try and loosen my muscles. Sometimes it worked and others just did not get deep enough to the root of the problem. Only one therapist explained to me that it wasn’t my inflexibility causing the problem, but the fact that I was “fascia bound” so bad that my muscles could not move.

That day I learned Fascia is.

Fascia is made up primarily of densely packed collagen fibers that create a full body system of sheets, chords and bags that wrap, divide and permeate every one of your muscles, bones, nerves, blood vessels and organs. Every bit of you is encased in it. You’re protected by fascia, connected by fascia and kept in taut human shape by fascia…

 It wraps around each of your individual internal parts, keeping them separate and allowing them to slide easily with your movements. It’s strong, slippery and wet. It creates a sheath around each muscle; because it’s stiffer, it resists over-stretching and acts like an anatomical emergency break. It connects your organs to your ribs to your muscles and all your bones to each other. It structures your insides in a feat of engineering, balancing stressors and counter-stressors to create a mobile, flexible and resilient body unit.

fascia4

Ever trimmed a chicken? That is fascia.

 

 

  Unfortunately, it’s very unlikely that your fascia maintains its optimal flexibility, shape or texture. Lack of activity will cement the once-supple fibers into place. Chronic stress causes the fibers to thicken in an attempt to protect the underlying muscle. Poor posture and lack of flexibility and repetitive movements pull the fascia into ingrained patterns. Adhesions form within the stuck and damaged fibers like snags in a sweater, and once they’ve formed they’re hard to get rid of.”- Runners’ World

That last paragraph sums up my entire body right now. My calves only move when poked. My glutes and back, well.. my spine is protected with a sheet of armor. Hubby has actually beaten my lower back and the only takeaway was his wrists ached afterward. I’ve had massage therapists ask how do I run because my muscles just…do. not. move. period.

Last week I finally admitted that I need something that will fix my fascia so I can work out without pain. Lacrosse balls and foam rollers only stretch the tired muscles, not loosen the harden layers of connective tissue so they can move freely and optimally.  I can do plenty of yoga but as it stands my range of motion is ridiculously limited.

There was a tool (actually 3 options) to help me with this. It’s called the FasciaBlaster created by Ashley Black. She’s studied the fascia system for over 20 years and developed the tool specifically. I loved the fact she took the time to make videos of every possible demo and there is a whole YouTube library of both her tutorials and the ‘blaster” community. I like the results I see, while I’m using this for a specific reason many in the community experience fat loss, lost inches, muscle toning, flexibility and less cellulite. You could call this a body sculpting tool in all truthfulness.

 

On my birthday I placed the order for all 3 products and, to my surprise and delight, they just arrived today! Before I start using these tools I’ll take my measurements and before photos to document my success. Right now I need to get some massage oil and a 60+ inch ribbon tape measure to be authentic.  🙂 I’m so excited!

Too Cold To Hold 2017

What’s up everyone! I hope you all had a great weekend!

My Birthday / Anniversary weekend was fabulously relaxing and just what the doctor ordered. We kept it low key and simple for Friday and Saturday. Today, however, was very exciting as it was the first race of 2017, Too Cold To Hold in Dallas, Texas.
screen-shot-2017-01-29-at-2-41-35-pm

Date: 01/29/2017
Location: Norbuck Park off of White Rock Lake, Dallas, TX
Put on By: Run Project
Distance(s): Half / 10k / 5k
Start time(s): 8:00am – Half / 8:30am – 10k and 5k
Weather: Low 40s with 10mph N winds  (WC: 33)

Hubby and our friend Christy conquered the 10k (6.2 mi) while I took up the 5k challenge (3.1mi). I wasn’t exactly sure how I would do as I hadn’t done a road race since September 2016. It wasn’t an easy course (compared to my treadmill) but it was relatively flat with some gradient around the lake. Aside from the few cyclists that missed the memo of the runner take over this was a calm race. Well, minus the one stroller that rolled up on my ankle and caused me to fall but strollers and dogs do have a reputation as “ankle biters”.

White Rock Lake is a major spot for runners and cyclists as it a 9.3 mile loop around to the lake with connection trails that can expand your loop up to 24.3 miles. As you can imagine, larger races like this one do tend to tick off local cyclists, who should know better by now. At this race, you have to watch for them coming up fast with attitudes to match.

Weather wise it was cold and windy which is par for the course around a lake. Last year it was the mid-60s so it’s really a coin toss for any winter race on what you get.

The Good:
I’ve been running for 3 years and I have never been disappointed with a Run Project race. The courses are well planned; swag is nice and of good quality, plus the medals are heavy solid pieces. The organization is spot on for event flow and great consideration to hydration and port-a-john access.

The 5k did not go over the bouncy bridge so that I can see as a win, not so much for the 10k and Half. Sorry, Hubby & Christy.

f938665c254c4748c62dc66f5524d0c2.jpg

The Bad:
White Rock Lake has virtually no parking.

The races didn’t start until 8am but you HAD to get there between 6:15 – 6:30am if you want decent parking. The decent parking is actually parking on the side of the Buckner road (yellow arrows bottom right) near the start area. We got there about 6:20am and by 7am parking was getting dicey. You should know how to parallel park if you get there after 7am. By 7:30am you are just out of luck. Don’t push your luck with illegal parking off of Northeast Hwy – they will ticket you.


Final Thoughts:
If you are in the area and you want a solid reputable race in January (or early February) this really is the one to come to. Be prepared to come at the ass-crack of dawn and dress for the temps.  Keep your music turned down and watch out for the cyclists. You’ll have a kick ass time and enjoy some major race bling!

img_2741

The rest of the day has been a breeze with the NHL All-Star Tournament just now coming to an end. and Hubby and I will be going out to eat at Carrabba’s to celebrate our anniversary. YUM!

Goodbye #29!

In the last 24 hours, I’ve had more sugar than in the last 6 months. I don’t feel guilty about it. No shame, no negative nancy voice.

For the first time, I decided to indulge without negative self-induced emotional blackmail. I agreed that from Wednesday 1/25 – Sunday 1/29 I was not going to weigh myself but I had to keep up with my water intake and do 20 minutes of yoga each day.
I was mindful at dinner yesterday to keep my portions down and bypassed the beer to go with the wings; a small but good choice.

Today my team celebrated by decorating my cubicle with streamers and balloons. They also brought my downfall. These did not sit at my desk long, as I did consume 3.
Stress and cupcakes just go well together. Thankfully, a coworker took the leftovers home.

Side note – Why is it when you are about to take a day off that suddenly all hell breaks lose?! My email was a bloody wildfire! UGH! recovery time!

img_2723

Then afterward, I go to the store and begin cooking dinner, my husband comes home with my birthday surprise. 2 books that had been on my Xmas wishlist!! I’m a rock and gem fanatic so this was right up my crystal alley! The Nothing Bunt Cakes came out after dinner. He was so sneaky!!!

I’m actually going over to Silver Pyramid tomorrow for some overdue retail therapy, Oh yeah! Watch me break the geek- o- meter! Hubby actually laughed at me when I said I was only going to buy 1 rock…he had a point.
(If you are curious about gems/ rocks/crystal healing and the science behind it, check out Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy . Adore her!)

img_2727

Hubby left shortly after 8:30pm to go play in Allen for his I-League ice hockey game that starts at 10pm. I considered going but I’m just too tired to stay up past 11, even if I have the day off tomorrow. So, I got a wonderful smooch and sent him on his way to go have fun with the guys. He is a quiet man so I’ve been pushing for some guy time outside our inner circle of 5.

So how does it feel to finally be on the cusp of 30?
Fabulous! Exciting! So many oppertunities are lining up as I get my health in check and continue working to lose the weight. I feel that some emotional baggage has lifted from stuff that happened in my 20s; I look at it as a fresh start to a new chapter in my life.

The first stop on my wonderful birthday? Turn off my 4am alarm! Night!

My Reasons

The biggest hurdle of going on this journey was that I had to honestly admit was “why am I going to do this?” What were my reasons? Was I doing this for me or for someone else? Both?

Below, in no particular order, is the ongoing list I came up with – some serious while others much funnier.

I want to lose weight so I can:

Not worry about the structure of slightly unstable chairs
No Type 2 diabetes (both sides of family)
To go to an Allen American’s/ Dallas Stars  game and not get bruises on my hips from the armrests (small seats)
Zipline
Home_page_slider-1920x800_c.jpeg
Fit in a wetsuit for snorkeling/diving
Ride a rollercoaster again
Not overflow in an airplane seat
Also to not need an extender for said seat
To buy clothes at stores other than Kohls and Lane Bryant
To wear something sexy
To be able to buy lingerie and have the confidence to wear it
To be on the receiving end of the “look over” from men (aka to be attractive enough to warrant more than the usual “fat girl jeering”).
To not worry about “how bad I look eating _____”
To really make my husband turn his head and say “Wow”
Make him proud that he married me
To take in my size 26 wedding dress to a size 14-10 and renew my vows in it

 

10317597_10154161866170473_1443976659240217270_o.jpg

Hubby, Me, and our best gal Christy

 

To enjoy bathing suit shopping
To actually buy a suit
Hell, to buy and wear a bikini!
Ride a horse without worrying about breaking its back
To have the flexibility to try new positions in bed
To fit in my dream car – 2017 Corvette Stingray (really the Z06 below but I couldn’t ever afford that so  being a “realistic dreamer” here, LOL!)034a1190
Be able to use a normal tailor’s tape measure
Oh to wear a pair of jeans in a size that begins with a 1# instead of a 2#
Run without jiggling
Not to make the treadmill move with my steps
Being able to bend down and touch my toes straight legged
Ugh – be able to use the smaller stall and wipe my ass without doing the crab dance
To sit back on my heels and actually touch my butt with them
To run a Half Marathon and not nearly die this time
Dance
Have my ass complimented
Do a real push up and plank
Cycle in a race
Be able to buy any bike and not have to fret on what the weight limit is.
Go carts
Hike up Stone Mountain, GA again
194983_5_.jpg
Skydive
Do something that requires me fitting in a life jacket
Do a pull up
Wear knee high boots (calves too large)
Go to a water park
Sunbathe on a cruise
If I ever got to meet the Dallas Stars players I want to be an 8 (total vanity)
Kickboxing
Attempt to wear heels?
Do a photoshoot

 

 

Coming Home

Long time, no see right?
I promise I didn’t die, I just had to wander until I discovered what direction my path wasn’t going in. Now I’ve come home. It feels surreal in a way.

I hit the pause button on this blog because it wasn’t fulfilling me, I really REALLY wanted to dedicate to a blog that covered my other interests. This worked for a time but I was so gun ho on becoming the next great life coach like my idols: Gabby Bernstein, Danielle LaPorte and Jess Carlson that I totally missed the fact that each of them has a story. A turning point in their life where they knew what they were destined to accomplish and share it with the world.

It was that realization that I was missing my story. My hurtle. What I could use to empower others in their own lives. So I stopped blogging for the last 2 months and hunkered down to review my 2017 goals and see if I could figure out my way home.

All my 2017 mind mapping kept coming back to my health and my desire to lose weight and my still crazy notion of running another Half marathon. On December 31, 2016 I clocked in at 325 lbs. I knew it had to end. I knew that in my current state I could not hope to run a Half marathon (2014 I did, barely, at 287lbs). I had to stop whining about the pity parties and fucking do the work.

That’s when I came home to Soul Sweat Fitness.

There is a lot of critical Mind, Body and Spirit work I need to do. Not every post will be fitness and food. However, every post will address what I’m going through to try and hit my 2017 health goal – Lose 50lbs.

Ultimate end goal? Lose 175 lbs to bring me back to a goal weight fo 150lbs. That might actually be too low for me but I’ll be happy to end in the 150-175 range.

So what’s been happening? Not as many races (trying to save money/pay off credit cards). Hubby and I now own a gym membership because his new schedule doesn’t really allow for an outdoor running regime. I’ve discovered Amazon video so I get my treadmill runs in watching Downton Abbey (yes I’m so late to the DA party). Gym visits are M/W/F with home yoga videos T/TH.

This last week I’ve tried to hop back on MFP but I had a super weight loss of 3.5lbs which will help me this week – It’s the Birthday week in our family. Dinner tonight at BJs Brewery with my parents (Dad’s Bday); Wednesday is Hubby’s and our friend Chaney’s Bdays so the gang is getting together for wings at Pluckers.  My Bday is Friday and finally, our 3 year anniversary is Saturday and we plan to hit Carrabba’s for Italian.

Total food splurge right before a race. We have Too Cold to Hold on Sunday the 29th.