Goodbye #29!

In the last 24 hours, I’ve had more sugar than in the last 6 months. I don’t feel guilty about it. No shame, no negative nancy voice.

For the first time, I decided to indulge without negative self-induced emotional blackmail. I agreed that from Wednesday 1/25 – Sunday 1/29 I was not going to weigh myself but I had to keep up with my water intake and do 20 minutes of yoga each day.
I was mindful at dinner yesterday to keep my portions down and bypassed the beer to go with the wings; a small but good choice.

Today my team celebrated by decorating my cubicle with streamers and balloons. They also brought my downfall. These did not sit at my desk long, as I did consume 3.
Stress and cupcakes just go well together. Thankfully, a coworker took the leftovers home.

Side note – Why is it when you are about to take a day off that suddenly all hell breaks lose?! My email was a bloody wildfire! UGH! recovery time!

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Then afterward, I go to the store and begin cooking dinner, my husband comes home with my birthday surprise. 2 books that had been on my Xmas wishlist!! I’m a rock and gem fanatic so this was right up my crystal alley! The Nothing Bunt Cakes came out after dinner. He was so sneaky!!!

I’m actually going over to Silver Pyramid tomorrow for some overdue retail therapy, Oh yeah! Watch me break the geek- o- meter! Hubby actually laughed at me when I said I was only going to buy 1 rock…he had a point.
(If you are curious about gems/ rocks/crystal healing and the science behind it, check out Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy . Adore her!)

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Hubby left shortly after 8:30pm to go play in Allen for his I-League ice hockey game that starts at 10pm. I considered going but I’m just too tired to stay up past 11, even if I have the day off tomorrow. So, I got a wonderful smooch and sent him on his way to go have fun with the guys. He is a quiet man so I’ve been pushing for some guy time outside our inner circle of 5.

So how does it feel to finally be on the cusp of 30?
Fabulous! Exciting! So many oppertunities are lining up as I get my health in check and continue working to lose the weight. I feel that some emotional baggage has lifted from stuff that happened in my 20s; I look at it as a fresh start to a new chapter in my life.

The first stop on my wonderful birthday? Turn off my 4am alarm! Night!

My Reasons

The biggest hurdle of going on this journey was that I had to honestly admit was “why am I going to do this?” What were my reasons? Was I doing this for me or for someone else? Both?

Below, in no particular order, is the ongoing list I came up with – some serious while others much funnier.

I want to lose weight so I can:

Not worry about the structure of slightly unstable chairs
No Type 2 diabetes (both sides of family)
To go to an Allen American’s/ Dallas Stars  game and not get bruises on my hips from the armrests (small seats)
Zipline
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Fit in a wetsuit for snorkeling/diving
Ride a rollercoaster again
Not overflow in an airplane seat
Also to not need an extender for said seat
To buy clothes at stores other than Kohls and Lane Bryant
To wear something sexy
To be able to buy lingerie and have the confidence to wear it
To be on the receiving end of the “look over” from men (aka to be attractive enough to warrant more than the usual “fat girl jeering”).
To not worry about “how bad I look eating _____”
To really make my husband turn his head and say “Wow”
Make him proud that he married me
To take in my size 26 wedding dress to a size 14-10 and renew my vows in it

 

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Hubby, Me, and our best gal Christy

 

To enjoy bathing suit shopping
To actually buy a suit
Hell, to buy and wear a bikini!
Ride a horse without worrying about breaking its back
To have the flexibility to try new positions in bed
To fit in my dream car – 2017 Corvette Stingray (really the Z06 below but I couldn’t ever afford that so  being a “realistic dreamer” here, LOL!)034a1190
Be able to use a normal tailor’s tape measure
Oh to wear a pair of jeans in a size that begins with a 1# instead of a 2#
Run without jiggling
Not to make the treadmill move with my steps
Being able to bend down and touch my toes straight legged
Ugh – be able to use the smaller stall and wipe my ass without doing the crab dance
To sit back on my heels and actually touch my butt with them
To run a Half Marathon and not nearly die this time
Dance
Have my ass complimented
Do a real push up and plank
Cycle in a race
Be able to buy any bike and not have to fret on what the weight limit is.
Go carts
Hike up Stone Mountain, GA again
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Skydive
Do something that requires me fitting in a life jacket
Do a pull up
Wear knee high boots (calves too large)
Go to a water park
Sunbathe on a cruise
If I ever got to meet the Dallas Stars players I want to be an 8 (total vanity)
Kickboxing
Attempt to wear heels?
Do a photoshoot

 

 

Coming Home

Long time, no see right?
I promise I didn’t die, I just had to wander until I discovered what direction my path wasn’t going in. Now I’ve come home. It feels surreal in a way.

I hit the pause button on this blog because it wasn’t fulfilling me, I really REALLY wanted to dedicate to a blog that covered my other interests. This worked for a time but I was so gun ho on becoming the next great life coach like my idols: Gabby Bernstein, Danielle LaPorte and Jess Carlson that I totally missed the fact that each of them has a story. A turning point in their life where they knew what they were destined to accomplish and share it with the world.

It was that realization that I was missing my story. My hurtle. What I could use to empower others in their own lives. So I stopped blogging for the last 2 months and hunkered down to review my 2017 goals and see if I could figure out my way home.

All my 2017 mind mapping kept coming back to my health and my desire to lose weight and my still crazy notion of running another Half marathon. On December 31, 2016 I clocked in at 325 lbs. I knew it had to end. I knew that in my current state I could not hope to run a Half marathon (2014 I did, barely, at 287lbs). I had to stop whining about the pity parties and fucking do the work.

That’s when I came home to Soul Sweat Fitness.

There is a lot of critical Mind, Body and Spirit work I need to do. Not every post will be fitness and food. However, every post will address what I’m going through to try and hit my 2017 health goal – Lose 50lbs.

Ultimate end goal? Lose 175 lbs to bring me back to a goal weight fo 150lbs. That might actually be too low for me but I’ll be happy to end in the 150-175 range.

So what’s been happening? Not as many races (trying to save money/pay off credit cards). Hubby and I now own a gym membership because his new schedule doesn’t really allow for an outdoor running regime. I’ve discovered Amazon video so I get my treadmill runs in watching Downton Abbey (yes I’m so late to the DA party). Gym visits are M/W/F with home yoga videos T/TH.

This last week I’ve tried to hop back on MFP but I had a super weight loss of 3.5lbs which will help me this week – It’s the Birthday week in our family. Dinner tonight at BJs Brewery with my parents (Dad’s Bday); Wednesday is Hubby’s and our friend Chaney’s Bdays so the gang is getting together for wings at Pluckers.  My Bday is Friday and finally, our 3 year anniversary is Saturday and we plan to hit Carrabba’s for Italian.

Total food splurge right before a race. We have Too Cold to Hold on Sunday the 29th.

Time for some Air

I’ve been meaning to do an update for a few days but one thing has lead to another and I’ve gotten behind.

The running has been going well and I’m getting use to hitting the gym(s) during this summer. Its not the best solution but hey…there is only so much we can do in summer here. I’ve had to move some days around but I’m liking the flexibility.

I’m trying to save up for new running shoes so that maybe my peroneal tendonitis will stop flaring up. I have about 200 miles on my current soles and for a 300lb woman that wears shoes down much faster than the standard “change them up after 300 miles” philosophy. I will definitely need it when I start hitting the 5 mile runs in a few weeks.

Work has been going well though its end of month aka The Crazy Week. Not hellish, but very busy and very mental. I had to stay about 30 minutes late so it does put a pushback on errands and gym time . I’ll be happy when August 1st gets here.

Races…Melon Dash is this Saturday (then we are going to a MLB game!) and then after that I am not sure what races we have up next. I don’t think we have anything for August. September will be Balloon Fest 5k and Half.

Also, I’ve started another blog (I said I wasn’t going to do this again…ha) this one is specifically for non fitness related posts. I do a lot of productivity, mental /emotional health, and spiritual wellness topics and I  need a space for those brain dump. I will probably comb my library here and filter out what should go out there maybe Sunday when I get some time. Its call Kyanite_Heart and it can fe found here. Its very bare bones right now but I hope to alternate posts between both.

Hope everyone is doing well! Longer updates to come 🙂

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Dog Days of Summer

Summer has finally hit Texas.
Going outside feels like opening an oven.
The breeze, if we’re lucky to have one, feels like a a hair dryer.
The lows are in the mid 80s.
The heat index tops 113 degrees.
The only thing you hear is the cicadas calling to each other.

I don’t know a person alive that longs for running in this weather. Races during this time of the year are prone to have complications and I’ve seen more than my fair share of people passing out or worse heat stroke.

However, there is something about the dry air that thrills me. Like a cat in a sunny window I do enjoy  walking and feel the coarse air hitting me. Its Texas, its the land I walk on. Just something about it.

I’ve taken time away from blogging to work on personal matters and refocus on self healing from the terror acts in recent weeks. Being an Empath I feel emotions more strongly and the massacre in Dallas hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t run from the sorrow, rage, pain and surprisingly guilt over being white and how white privilege does play a role. I work an office with a majority of African Americans and Middle Eastern Americans and while it was business as usual – there was a difference in the air.

At the amazing race this weekend Too Hot to Handle  with 3,000 others we invaded White Rock Lake and you could tell the off duty officers were on edge. Thanking them and appreciating their job can only go so far…it won’t heal the rift. It won’t stop the inkling of fear. I just hope with time we will become a stronger community in the wake of tragedy.

Aside from grounding and working on healing from the events I’ve been toying with the idea of doing another Half Marathon. More specifically, The Dallas Half on December 11th.
Hubby is doing it; Christy is attempting the Full Marathon; and our mutual friend Stephanie will be also doing the Half. So, while my plan to do the Half for Too Cold to Hold in January was still on its time limit is 4 hours (which is too short). The Dallas Half is 6.5 hours (thanks due to the Half and Full courses overlapping). So for a winter Half, its really the best option. I’ll let you know what I decide.

And yes, I am enjoying Pokemon Go 🙂

 

 

Temptress Brownies!

Disclaimer – I only bake on the holidays otherwise I would never be able to outrun my waistline! This time it was a new twist on an old family recipe! (Don’t tell my mother.)

My weaknesses – chocolate and a great stout. Put the 2 together and you have the beat of my stomach…ermm… heart. Yes, heart. My sinful little heart 🙂

What makes my heart flutter – Lakewood Brewing Company’s Temptress Nitro Stout. You will always find me at Taverna Rossa with my glass and craft pizza.

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INGREDIENTS: (in order/combination to mix)

Dry-
1 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 cup dark cocoa powder (such as Hershey’s Special Dark)
1/4 teaspoon salt

Wet-
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped/chips
3/4 cup white chocolate chips
6 tablespoons butter at room temperature, cut into cubes

Base-
1 cup white sugar
4 eggs, room temperature

Final Add –
1 and 1/4 cups Temptress.
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips (such as Nestle Toll House)
1 tablespoon sifted confectioners’ sugar once cooled

DIRECTIONS:

Place oven rack in the center position. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Spray a 9×13-inch baking dish with cooking spray.

Whisk flour, cocoa powder, and salt together in a bowl. Set aside.

Beat white sugar and eggs together in a large bowl with an electric mixer until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Set aside.

Melt bittersweet chocolate, white chocolate chips, and butter in the microwave. Do in 10-20 second bursts, stirring frequently and scraping down the sides with a rubber spatula to avoid scorching.

Slowly add melted chocolate mixture and beat until just combined with sugar /egg base. Add flour mixture, 1/2 cup at a time, until just combined.
Whisk in beer slowly until batter is thinned.
Fold in semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Pour batter into the prepared baking dish.

Bake in the preheated oven until a toothpick inserted in the center of the brownies comes out with moist crumbs, 25 to 35 minutes (mine was about 35minutes). Cool to room temperature; dust top with confectioners’ sugar.

Enjoy!!!