I feel drawn out and spread thin today.
Very blah and insignificant.
I hate the mood swings I get on occasion due to event aftershock.
Moody and mad and huffy.
I know I want to rise above my frustration and anger but right now I just want to stay huffy and mad. I have to process the emotions.
I want it acknowledged and shown that my emotions are valued – even the sucky ones.
“lightworkers don’t get mad, they are focused on pure light.”
Yeah…sure…not! Human just like you…I just try to cuss less.
I feel cheated, wronged and cornered by circumstances that aren’t anyone’s fault.
And maybe that’s why I’m nursing this hurt longer than normal – I have no one to blame (not even myself)
I’m mad that our dream of saving for a house has been thwarted by this trip to the ER.
I’m mad because when we get the house, I get the dog I have always wanted. That was the one condition. Dog needs yard so house is required.
Now I won’t see that dog for years.
Because instead of saving for a house after we pay this ER bill now we will be spending it on getting Hubby’s oral health righted.
Which apparently…will be like $60,000 – rough estimate.
Know why? His parents didn’t have insurance…so hardly any dentist or doctor visits growing up.
So I’m angry at his mom for screwing him over like this (and thusly, screwing me over too) I love her, but right now I am mad about this.
I’m mad at my Hubby because he had worked with a company with solid healthcare for 8 years and never did anything proactive about his oral condition.
He wasn’t in any pain…so there wasn’t any problem needing fixing – his mentality.
Well there was… plenty of it…he just doesn’t like needles.
So he did nothing….and that makes me so mad.
It makes me madder that he’s whiney about it. I’ll have to go with him to every doc/dentist visit now. I love him, but I wish he’d just man it up and deal with it.
8 years he could have corrected all his issues with paid time off.
Now he’s a contractor – no work = no pay.
So again, we’re financially impacted when we attempt to fix his oral health which will require both of us taking off work.
So now, my hopes of leaving cubicleland are dashed. I can’t afford the training I need to change careers. The money will have to go to this new medical misadventure of his.
No more art supplies or yarn for crocheting. Saving for magical supplies will take longer. I dread how we may pay for Christmas this year.
I’m mad that I spent more than I saved. I’m mad that I racked up my credit cards higher unwisely. Hindsight is always 20/20.
Then I realize I’m thinking and talking like a victim. The world has done me a great wrong! How dare life throw me a curveball! The world owes me!
The world doesn’t owe me anything.
Life always throws curveballs, sometimes I catch them and sometimes they hit me in the head.
This week I got off lucky. Hubby went back to work only after 2 days of healing.
Our cars work great.
We both have good paying jobs.
I have new watercolors and a free weekend coming.
I can run at 317lbs…
We’ll have to be smarter about our spending.
We’ll have to plan a bit better.
We’ll start saving.
Medical bills and car loans will eventually get paid off.
Some days you just have to sit with your emotions.
Acknowledge when and why you are this way.
Understand to learn and grow from them – don’t hide from them.
Bottling them up will only make it worse.
Vent however you need to (without being hurtful to yourself or others).
Then let it all go.
Anger serves a purpose, so does worry and sadness if you listen hard enough.
Thanks for letting me vent. 🙂 I feel better and realize where I needed to go to get my head on straight.