Missing the Ocean

This time last year Hubby and I were leaving port on our first cruise together.

We had planned to continue the tradition but once Hubby got laid off before Thanksgiving that pretty much shot that plan down.

I didn’t think it would hit me as hard as it did yesterday.
We were driving back from Dinner listening to Jack FM and the song Fast Car came on. I had heard it in passing but didn’t know the artist or anything.

The song, at that moment in time, hit me about getting in a fast car and driving away from all the stress, drama, mundane – all that drives me crazy and wears me down in my soul.
In my Mind’s eye – I saw the cruise cabin from last year. The balcony door open and no noise except for the waves against the ship. Nothing to see for miles but the sapphire blue depths.

Utter tranquility.

Soul healing space.

I am not going to lie – I cried.

I wanted that peace.
I wanted that isolation from all the noise +chores+bills+responsibilities+”should dos”.
To finally breathe.
To run away from it all.
I hide the tears from Hubby by hitting the bathtub for a deep soak as soon as we got home. More tears slipped down.

The heartache hurt like hell. When your Soul wished to be somewhere and your body can’t follow it.

After a while I calmed down and decided that, if I can keep my composure, I would try to use that mental image in meditation practice when I needed to decompress from the outside world.

So I am going to try to do that and use some white noise apps to get that cruise feel.
We will see how it goes.




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