Love Thy Neighbor as Thy Self

No matter which religion/ faith/ mantra etc you may follow the Golden Rule wins.

In my case, my neighbor must think I am a total Asshole. I must be the spawn that happened when Bigfoot hooked up with the evil clown demon your parents told you about to keep you from doing something stupid like getting lost in the woods…
Have you seen “The Village”? yeah, those creatures…

That’s exactly what I am to my neighbors. Porcupine/ bear/evil clown with stinky feet…

 

Because until very recently, I didn’t love myself. In the darker times I absolutely hated myself. No one could guilt trip me or bring me down faster than I could do to myself in a heartbeat.

I had a vicious cycle of “I’m not good enough because…” through my teens and early 20s. Anytime I would not meet the high  impossible standards I set for myself (love our media, don’t you?) I would mentally/ emotionally/physically punish myself.

Its nothing new, I bet anyone else can relate:
“I’m not good enough to be loved, because I am fat.”
More negative self talk, more feelings of hopelessness, more ‘I will end up being my parents caregiver’…’alone’… etc.

I can’t count how many times I compared myself to a billboard or got lost in the foolish thought that anorexia might be part of the answer. fat = food, food = bad, I eat = therefore I am bad.

So one can only imagine that dating was a crap shoot and I had a neon sign that anyone with bad intentions could see from a mile away.

After hitting rock bottom post college/dating scene I just stopped cold turkey. I was done with the games, the broken promises, and the constant worry about not being good enough “for him to stick around”.

I finally just embraced the fact I would be single for the rest of my life.

…..after 6 months of focusing on doing what I wanted to do, not having to conform to anyone else’s opinions  I finally began “liking” myself.

Then I found this book – Single: The Art of being Satisfied, fulfilled and Independent by Author Judy Ford.

HOLY CRAP! WHERE.WAS.THIS.ALLL.MY.LIFFFEEEEEE???

I read the whole book in one sitting. It was the singular stepping stone to doing the one thing I was unable to do: Accept myself – just as I am.

I raved about being Single for several years after that (bless my mother). My plans were Get the full time job, Get the House, Get the Dog. End.

Living life on my terms was the confidence boost I needed. I figured out what I wanted to do in life. I figured out my ideals, my ethics, and what shit I wasn’t going to tolerate anymore.

This was blisteringly evident when I created my PlentyofFish profile (before it was a hook up site)

I listed my waist size
I listed my religion
I listed my pets
I listed that friends/family/pets will win always
I listed my kid free opinion
I listed my “if you dont have your life together, don’t bother”
I listed my “will not tolerate list”

……..and 2.5 years later my boyfriend (whom I met him on there) proposed.

Learning to love myself showed me I don’t have to take the bullshit we hear from the media about what we should do, wear, work, look like, act like, etc.

We don’t have to internalize all that junk into Worry, Abandonment issues, or our own “I’m not good enough because…” statements.

More importantly, I stopped taking the bullshit I was telling myself for so many years.

Gaining solid Self Love is a daily process. Having it and not forgetting the Self care you need is a whole nother story.

2015 is going to be my big year for focusing on Self Care.

If you can’t Love yourself how can you be expected to Love someone else?
If you don’t care for yourself how can you care for another person?

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