Breaking up with a Negative Person

Break ups are hard on everyone involved no matter the reasoning or circumstances. It hurts. It sucks and no one wants to have to go through it.

I know all of us have been broken up with in past love relationships and sometimes we, ourselves, were the ones initiating that dreaded break up dance. It sucks, we feel like the bad guy/gal and everyone is sad + mad + no doubt bitching about us and how cruel we were for the break up.

While romantic relationships are the best known for this it can happen in any type of relationship on any and all levels.

Business – breaking up with company, losing the promotional race to a co worker, terminating a project you were managing, or even leaving the comforting folds of a mentor.

Family – I have known parents break up with their children for drastic familial issues stemming from abuses to mental conditions (young parents to babies to elderly and their grown children). I’ve seen the opposite where Children cut off parents and other family members for a huge variety of reasons.

Finances – yes we have relationships with money. They require special tending to flourish and not create a negative mindset surrounding this flow of abundance, but that’s another story.

Friendships – No brainer here on this one. Friends break up, get back together, grow apart and then fight about things that happened years ago.  They could be a few months old to decades old and one event shatters this.

But one Relationship I feel that MANY MANY people do not watch out for……the Negative Nancy/Ned.

You Google the term “Negative people” and you are presented with a treasure trove of information. Styles, Attitudes, Red flags, tips to disengage them, and stop them from returning.  Now, we ALL have good days and bad days. We’re humans. We will be grumps and sometimes take it out on others. BUT, there are people who are in a continual cycle of Negativity and will draw you into their circle… after all Misery loves company.

Another good word in your searching is “Psychic or Energy Vampire”…

No. No dazzling vamps…don’t get me started on that….

Psychic/ Energy Vampires is a New Age term for basically an extreme form of Negative person. Someone who may not even realize they are acting like it (lost in their own negative bubble).  No matter which term you prefer they should be avoided at all costs (or atleast minimize interaction)

Key signs that you have a Negative person on your hands.

1. When bad things happen – they rehash it over and over and over, until they are blue in the face… then begin again.

2. Typically very Pessimistic attitudes. Can have the “world is against me”, “nothing good happens to me” and “woe is me! I have ______ in my life”.

3. They will dominate the discussions or turn every topic into one they want to talk about…see #1.

4. You leave their presence and you just feel DRAINED.

5. You being dreading seeing/interacting with them cause you know its going to suck.

6. Often they will ask for advice on whatever the “bad situation is” and ignore your advice. They don’t want to work on fixing what the problem is (but they expect you too…)

7. They can try to plant negative seeds or project their problems onto you.

I’ve only had 2 people in my life who were this extreme. Because of their antics, I had to cut 1 of them completely out of my life. (hardest thing I have done) but I don’t regret it. No matter what, this is your life and you have to draw the line about what kind of people you want in your life.

She was a close friend of 5+ years and on a self destructive path and she was dead set that I was her “only savior” and insisted that I MUST help her (Oddly enough, she had pushed the rest of her friends away and I was the one left).

2-3 hour phone calls every other day about how “bad things were” (though she never would take advice or attempt to work on those problems).

The idea of seeing ‘the good in everything’ was laughable by her standards since she only could see the bad. (NEGATIVE MINDSET =NEGATIVE SIGHT!)

I began dreading phone calls from her and ignoring them for as long as I could (big red flag if you get to this point!)

Finally, we had the most epic fight on the phone- she was frantic and paranoid blaming me for her lot in life. I was done and walked away from her + her drama + her skewed version of who was at fault.

 

The other…is unfortunately a coworker whom I drive to work (still). She needed a ride one day and this turned into a 4 month spread. She was in her mid 40s and always told me about how cold and in pain she was. Then she opened up about her personal life, which I didn’t want to know, and then dump all her baggage in my lap. Now my calm easy mornings became a bitchfest. She is a hypochondriac and paranoid that everyone is against her at work. That people are “out for her”. It doesn’t help she stirred up trouble in the office and made race part of it.
The big thing is she GETS LOUD…she calls it being passionate but there is no reason to be screaming at the top of your voice in an enclosed car to someone who is 6inches away.

Also I doubt she never takes a breath once she gets inside because it is non-stop talking.

Did I mention she slapped down my religion in my own car?

Last week we had a heated convo on the phone after I called to let her know after March 31st I would not be driving her anymore. She flipped and exploded and then turned all her paranoia onto me because of how I broke her trust because I talk to my husband…

Yes she believes in keeping secrets from spouses. In Her eyes, my husband doesn’t need to know anything about HER (if your drama is stressing me out and my husband asks…I am going to tell him!).

It took a teeth grinding 3 hours to get her settled so the next day wouldn’t be awkward.

It is still awkward, but just for another 15 work days…

People, you can’t win with these folks. You cannot save them. No matter the guilt trips or suicide threats. You can’t save them from reality- they will either learn to cope or they will suck the life out of you if you allow them. Being a good friend should not mean sacrificing your sanity and your health.

YOU MUST SET BOUNDERIES.

Is it easy? No.

Is it fun? Not at all.

Will you look like a total ass? Most likely.

But I’d rather be an ass with a happy bubble of positive energy around me  than a doormat covered in other people’s mess.

 

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