I don’t know a person alive who hasn’t had body image issues atleast once in their lives.
As a woman I can say IMO- this little demon voice is a demeaning, pesky, negative vulture that preys upon us with cunning vulgarity and wicked swiftness, leaving in it’s wake a mess of fear, bitterness and doubt.
I cannot count how many times I saw a physically beautiful woman and thought…”I will never be that beautiful.”
I will never be that sexy…
I will never be able to turn heads like that.
My ass will never be that tight.
I wish I had her______.
and so on…
I’m not going to go in on how society has sexualized women to the point of photoshopping even a grade 10 bombshell. Its a quest for perfection that is only achieved by computer artists with amazing talent and an Adobe program.
Because Artists are artists no matter what the medium. Hell, take a class on Art apprication and you’ll see the Greeks were doing this too. You think Ceasar was that handsome in his late 50s??? Ummm… No.
So that quest for perfection has been going on for a longggggg time.
The problem we have today is that we are in a constant Competition to be Perfection. The pressure on both men and woman to be this ideal image is just insane.
We have 5-8years olds putting themselves on diets because they worry they were fat. We have young teen girls that develop eating disorders to look like those phototshop covers on magaizines or to get some boy’s attention…and when the rejection hits…”I’m not pretty enough”.
I’m not thin enough.
I’ll never get a boyfriend.
I’m not blonde.
I need to go on a diet.
And this spirals throughout our lives and hinders us every day. I remember a low point in my life where I was trying to find a new job before the company I was with relocated…I was stressed, I was scared, I was doubting every decision I ever made.
And my self value and worth plummeted.
Anytime I was driving us to something, I noted every female jogger on the sidewalk and whether or not his head turned, even barely a nod. I immediately analyzed the woman and picked her best feature (what I thought was) and compared myself to her.
It didn’t matter that my man is totally loyal to me and couldn’t cheat on me even if there was a gun to his head…I had to size up any female.
And if in this comparison I was the one who was lacking (and ohh, it was every time mind you…) I would feel disgusted with myself for be “lacking”.
And this mentality only made things worse. If stuff didn’t go well in the bedroom, and this happens to every couple at some point, I took it as evidence that I was at fault.
“I’m too fat.”
“I’m not pretty enough.”
“I’m not desirable anymore.”
“How can he find me attractive???”
Then you add a new yet insanely stressful job to the equation (and I mean to the point of coming home and crying myself to sleep).. The thoughts turned to:
“If you quit- you are a loser”
“If you quit- you won’t be able to pay bills”
“If you quit- you’ll lose the apartment”
“If you quit- he’ll have to support you both”
“If you quit and he has to spend all his money on supporting you both he’ll resent you”
“If you quit- you are a bad wife”
“If you are a bad wife, he’ll leave”
Dark days of my life. Admitting that last fear to Monkey was the hardest thing in the world when he found me crying that day…
Then that sick twisted voice of doubt… “He’s going to leave you because you aren’t good enough”….
It is so hard to shut that evil voice up somedays. Its illogical, devastating and ruins lives, and it does it gleefully.
It wasn’t until about 2 months ago I figured out what it really was.
FEAR. Of not being good enough.
FEAR. Of being judged as “not good enough” by everyone else.
FEAR. Of falling short of all expectations, especially unrealistic ones you set yourself
When I finally realized THAT was the root of this dissonance it felt like a ton of bricks being dumped on my head. The Universe said DUH! Really really loudly.
Then another quiet voice whispered, “So Do YOU think you are good enough?”
“We’ll let’s stop giving a damn what others think of you (and it’s not any of your business anyways by the way) and give a damn about what YOU think of YOU?”
And ladies and gentlemen, that is the mental shift I challenge you to make.
Stop worrying and comparing yourself to everyone else in this rigged competition!!!
As cliche as it sounds there is only one YOU.
Be the best YOU.
Don’t give a rats butt about what anyone else thinks…because guess what? It’s not any of your business anyways! Do you reaaallllly want to be in everyone’s head that you know? Telepathy is not a gift!
Understanding that everyone is going to talk about everyone either to their face or behind their backs, this is the fact of life.
Don’t waste your precious energy over it.
Nothing you can do to change it anyways.
Since this lightbulb switched on- I don’t compare myself to others, I allow myself to be inspired by them.
I can’t judge their journey to mine just like I shouldn’t compare my body to theirs.
But I can admire their work and dedication and try to live like they do in my own world.
All I can be is the best me.
All you can do is be the Best YOU.
Let’s live up to our true potential, not someone else’s.